How to Handle Resistant Clients: A Health Coach's Guide to Breaking Through

You've prepared for this session. You have great questions ready. You genuinely want to help. But instead of engagement, you're met with crossed arms, defensive responses, and a client who seems determined to resist every suggestion you make.

Sound familiar? Client resistance is one of the most challenging aspects of coaching—but it's also one of the most misunderstood.

Here's the truth: resistance isn't the enemy. It's information. And when you learn to work with resistance instead of against it, you'll find that some of your most resistant clients become your biggest success stories.

Understanding Why Clients Resist

Before we dive into techniques, it's crucial to understand what's actually happening when a client resists.

Resistance often signals:

• •Fear of change. Even positive change is scary. The familiar feels safe, even when it's not working.
• •Protecting autonomy. People naturally push back when they feel their freedom to choose is being threatened.
• •Past negative experiences. Previous failed attempts or bad experiences with other professionals can create defensive walls.
• •Ambivalence. They genuinely want to change AND don't want to—both things are true simultaneously.
• •Feeling misunderstood. When clients don't feel heard, they stop opening up.

Understanding these root causes helps you respond with compassion rather than frustration.

The 7 Keys to Working with Resistant Clients

1. Express Empathy First, Always

Before anything else, your client needs to feel understood. Not fixed. Not educated. Understood.

Instead of: "I hear you, but have you tried..."

Try: "It sounds like you've been through a lot with this. Tell me more about what that's been like for you."

Empathy isn't agreeing with everything they say. It's demonstrating that you understand their perspective and that their feelings make sense given their experience.

Key phrases that express empathy:

• •"That sounds really frustrating."
• •"It makes sense that you'd feel that way given what you've been through."
• •"I can hear how much you've been struggling with this."
• •"That's a lot to carry."

2. Roll with Resistance, Don't Push Against It

When you push against resistance, it pushes back harder. This is basic psychology—and most of us do it wrong.

Instead of: "But you said you wanted to lose weight, so we need to focus on your diet."

Try: "On one hand, you want to feel healthier. And on the other hand, changing your eating feels really overwhelming right now. Both of those things can be true."

Rolling with resistance means:

• •Acknowledging their perspective as valid
• •Avoiding arguing or correcting
• •Reflecting their ambivalence back to them without judgment
• •Letting them hear their own resistance out loud

3. Support Their Autonomy

Nothing creates resistance faster than feeling controlled. Your clients are adults who get to make their own choices—and the more you respect that, the more open they become.

Phrases that support autonomy:

• •"Ultimately, this is your decision to make."
• •"What matters most is what feels right for you."
• •"You know yourself better than anyone else."
• •"What would you like to do?"
• •"It's up to you whether this is something you want to work on."

Paradoxically, when people feel free to say no, they're more likely to say yes.

4. Develop Discrepancy Gently

Help clients see the gap between where they are and where they want to be—but let them discover it rather than pointing it out.

Instead of: "You say you want to be healthy, but you're still smoking a pack a day."

Try: "You mentioned that being around for your grandkids is really important to you. How does your current health fit with that vision?"

Discrepancy is most powerful when clients articulate it themselves. Your job is to ask questions that help them see it clearly.

5. Avoid the Righting Reflex

The "righting reflex" is our natural urge to fix problems, give advice, and correct course. It comes from a good place—we want to help!—but it often backfires.

When you jump in with solutions:

• •Clients feel unheard
• •They become more defensive
• •They argue against your suggestions
• •They're less likely to follow through (even if they agree)

Watch for these phrases that trigger the righting reflex:

• •"Have you tried..."
• •"What you should do is..."
• •"The problem is..."
• •"But what about..."

Instead, stay curious. Ask what they've already tried. Ask what they think might work. Let solutions emerge from them whenever possible.

6. Affirm Strengths and Past Successes

Resistant clients often feel hopeless or incapable. Pointing out their existing strengths and past successes can shift this mindset.

"You mentioned that you quit smoking for six months in 2019. That takes real determination. What helped you succeed during that time?"

Look for opportunities to genuinely affirm:

• •Past accomplishments (even small ones)
• •Character strengths you observe
• •Positive intentions behind their behavior
• •Steps they've already taken

7. Use Reflective Listening Strategically

Reflective listening is your most powerful tool with resistant clients. It's not just repeating what they said—it's reflecting the meaning and emotion underneath.

Three levels of reflection:

• •Simple reflection: "You're frustrated with how slow this is going."
• •Amplified reflection: "It feels like nothing you try ever works." (This often prompts them to argue for the positive side)
• •Double-sided reflection: "Part of you wants to make changes, and another part feels overwhelmed by the idea of starting."

Double-sided reflections are especially powerful because they validate both sides of their ambivalence without judgment.

Scripts for Common Resistance Scenarios

When a client says: "Nothing works for me"

"You've tried a lot of things over the years. That takes persistence. What made you keep trying despite the disappointments?"

When a client says: "I don't have time"

"Time is really tight for you. If we could find something that fit into your life as it is right now—even something tiny—what might that look like?"

When a client says: "You don't understand"

"Help me understand better. What am I missing about your situation?"

When a client says: "I already know what to do, I just can't do it"

"So the information isn't the gap—something else is getting in the way. What do you think that is?"

When a client goes silent

"It seems like something I said landed differently than I intended. What's coming up for you right now?"

The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

Here's the perspective that transforms how you work with resistance:

Your job is not to overcome resistance. Your job is to make resistance unnecessary.

When clients feel heard, respected, and autonomous, most resistance dissolves on its own. The behaviors we label as "resistant" are often just protective responses to feeling pushed, judged, or misunderstood.

Why Practice Matters

Working with resistant clients requires split-second decisions about what to say next. You need to:

• •Catch your own righting reflex before it takes over
• •Find the right words to express empathy
• •Craft reflections that capture what the client really means
• •Stay calm when you feel frustrated

These skills develop through practice—lots of it. But how do you practice handling resistance when you can't predict when it will show up in a real session?